I had an interesting experience recently where I spent some time with a friend whom I found was pushing all my buttons and triggering my shadow side in a major way.
Now, this wasn’t being done deliberately by any means, however there it was, I felt my body reacting in ways I didn’t like… I felt myself starting to be reactive to their behaviour, impatient, short and frustrated.
They say that the things that trigger us in others are mirrors to our own shadow so I have been sitting with that since it happened and looking at what I need to do for myself to move through this and bring my shadow to light for growth.
The strong message that came through for me within this experience was that I need to step into my power, which as been a recurring message of late (yes, universe I’m a slow learner).
Stepping into your power, what does this actually mean?
It can sound ‘strong’ and the further part of the message was, that this does not have to be the case and in fact, should not be the case… you can step into your power with grace and with a softness, aggression and anger does not in fact serve you in this situation. You can still be firm with setting your boundaries and limits, without either of these emotions, they only serve to dilute your message when used and build walls and resistance with others.
Another message was around independence. To say I’m independent, might be something of an understatement (ha ha) and whilst independence is great, it can also come across as unapproachable and again build those walls with people.
If I rationalise this, I would say, necessity has strengthened these traits for me to cope with the un-foldings in my life. However, I recognise in myself the need to find a balance and some softness to the independence. Being able to show you need people is not a weakness, for there is power in vulnerability for both parties. Who doesn’t want to feel needed by someone? Its actually a real challenge for me to expose this part of me, to be vulnerable and ask for help, its not something I like to do.
Oh universe, you had me chuckling with this one, and it got right under my skin…
Indecisiveness in an effort to ‘try to be nice’ is actually fucken irritating?! (excuse the language but it is!).
I need to make a decision and own it, when I try to people please I dis-empower both parties. There is nothing wrong with saying what you actually want, that is how you feel and that is valid. ‘I don’t mind’, ‘you choose’, ‘going with the flow’ is a form of procrastination and people pleasing and a complete inability to stand in your power. In recognising this behaviour in my friend, I could so clearly see just how often I also do this… and I’m still catching myself doing it (work in progress!). Not to say its your way or the highway, however its a really great one to start taking notice of as you see it coming up.
Ultimately, I am grateful that I could see that this was happening and examine the mirror of my shadow that was being provided by the universe for me to work on my shit! Its made me much more conscious now of how I react and I’m trying on a daily basis to ‘practice the pause between stimulus and response’.
Namaste
Kerryelle x
